Wildly Free

I’m not too sure that I like being governed. Actually, I’m sure that I don’t appreciate it one bit. It’s smothering to wonder what a being with “power” over me could do with it whenever they’re ready to make a new decision. Faith in authority means that I must trust and am willing to submit to this power but how could this be more beneficial than submitting to my own power? What is so much greater than myself that my own power isn’t enough to tap into and create from within it? Who is ultimately responsible for the mind-conditioning that led me to believe that I needed to look outward to my greatness? I know that I’m happiest when I can love without the urge to resist and when I believe and trust in the power of my own intuition. When love and life is light, sweet, and candlelit. 

A beautiful and recent experience for me was a visit to my grandfather’s church with my father, youngest brother, and his mother, and while entering the sanctuary, the lights went out. My little brother said, “I don’t know why, ain’t nothing wrong with us.” He was right, nothing is wrong with us, so why did the preacher (whom on that day was my grandfather) use portions of his sermon to guilt trip us into believing that we weren’t whole and light and that it was our duty to seek the image and light of another spirit for our own, greatness?

I spent much of the sermon listening but much of it analyzing his reason as well. My faith in the wholeness of this universe, which I am apart of, and of all creations connected to me, does not keep me in fear of being doomed. What does keep me in fear of being doomed is believing that by not abiding by the laws that a being was sent here to teach humanity, I will fall short to the greatness of this universe and of my own being and that nothing can save me except submission to, this being.

Purpose is important to me. Remembering and affirming purpose helps me to grow, constantly. Believing that my heights can only grow so high under one great entity instead of me being apart of that entity and therefore the entity is as great as me, has been an aid in anxiety, depression, and stagnancy. 

I used to be so interested in the Catholic belief. I admired the way that they study. What also intrigued me, was the confessional practice. It seems so abusive to the higher being that you are worshipping to continuously disobey these laws, ask for forgiveness, then proceed the cycle, endlessly. Then to only see a small number of people being the ones who live perfectly and can make higher decisions, under this higher being but over the “common” people, seemed sketchy to say the least. Feeling guides me mostly and that system feels very governing to me. I don’t appreciate being governed, not one bit. 

If the purpose is to keep humanity in order and from falling to destruction then someone needs to rewrite the entire system because there is and never has been order, if I am wrong, kindred, please show me. The only order that any of us can be responsible for is the order within ourselves. Then being able to harmonize all of that energy and coexist in peace because of self-mastery and because of us all recognizing and nurturing our own power, our own magic, our own spirit as divine and fluid. 

Wild has always been my order, so maybe, I'm just speaking for me. Regardless, I rather be free. I am.