the Truest Dream

 (this is romantic poetry)

 

No one said it would be easy 

to shake off, even when 

they insist it’s best that I do

 

I thought I could when I walked away, 

that’s why I’m here now

reminiscing over you

 

You, the individual

I feel in my heart

I feel your eyes when they 

hold still water before you cry 

I feel it in your hips 

when you walk 

you felt complexities about them, 

I felt their beauty

with desire to hold every inch 

of your brown, solid, majestic skin

 

You, the soul

I feel calling my spirit

in my early morning thoughts

in my daydreams

in my reflections,

in my mind that gets excited

when I walk to the apothecary thinking 

of the herbs you may need for nourishment

then excitement calms when I realize 

there’s no reason for this decision, 

I won’t see you anytime soon

and we don’t even talk until a drop by of you 

in a room full of other poets,

I didn’t know that your soul would assist

me in evolving so artistically 

you, the soul, eternally inspires me

 

 

You, the idea

keeps my friends wondering

when I’ll move on

when I’ll expand on this idea

of choosing what to do with your love, 

the idea of your love that is not 

easy to shake but no one ever said it would be

yet, I try to do it anyway

 

If no one else knows why,

I believe that you do 

you’re a pure masculine portrayal of me

and one time, you said it too,

“You run away from what’s best for you,”

And I agreed but the degree graduated 

the more I stayed away from you,

the soul of you,

the idea of you

 

I walked away then I ran 

when you weren’t looking

because why would I stay when 

I wasn’t the one who inspired your cooking

or the one who you thought of when you hustled

or the one who was a part of your plans

for tribal progression, procreation, 

and thoughts to expand

it’s who I wanted to be

 

The world that we could co-create

is where I want to be

but I walked away before 

you could even see how badly the reality 

of that rejection did hurt me, 

now I feel a lump in my breast and my 

intuition keeps telling me 

“This happens when fear is held too tightly,

balance the feminine energy and act on the truth 

in this life, or the next time it won’t be pretty”

 

They don’t have to keep telling me 

to shake it off, this time 

it’s more crucial than before

my health is in store for new ingredients 

if I don’t say what I’m meaning

and truly, it’s all very simple

because I simply need you

I simply want you

I simply wish you were wrapped in my arms

and present and comfortable

 

I simply want you staring in my eyes

I want to cry with you at the sun rise

then sing songs of pain, pride, passion, 

and the beauty of winning the prize

the one that you want, simply and raw

but may be willing to give up on 

because it’s worth so much more 

than what humans can hold

its cost is essential for the light of humanity

it can warm the hearts, 

liberate the minds, 

and feed the soul of everything that touches

the light of the sunrise

and the sunset, 

which is your favorite, I can’t forget

 

I can’t forget the time that our individuals, 

our souls, 

our ideas met, 

perhaps the idea

of it all being mine already

is what scares me like if I speak my truth

my hearts deepest desires

will come through my song,

and my eyes, 

watering all that I am

then making its way to where it belongs

in my actual reality, no longer 

sitting shy in my daydreams

 

I put so much aside for the idea that 

it was already mine

I gave so much up because I began 

trusting that everything that I had inside

was enough, I didn’t need the extra weight

I didn’t need cover ups

the material luggage

the toxic habits

the old reactions

 

I parted ways with the temple 

of my favorite angel because 

intuition spoke that it was time to move on

that it was time to take my lessons

go out, apply them,

build my queendom,

and wait on my throne

yet intuition didn’t say how long the wait

it also said that waiting doesn’t mean move on

 

Patience is an idea

until you practice the form

through listening, silence

through balance, maybe a little violence

the mind will go chaotic

so discipline must be invited

thoughts will tell you to get up, “go find him”

and drag you to be beside him 

but that’s not divine and he’s too sweet 

of a man and too hardworking and diligent 

for anyone to be finding

 

So I practice telepathy too

but I never know if the messages go through

I continue practicing patience,

discipline, writing poetry, 

loving unconditionally,

bathing my body, praying humbly,

singing my songs,

walking the long way home,

smiling at strangers and babies,

opening doors for young men

who don’t expect kind things

I feel your spirit with me

watching me honor life and dreams

 

So perhaps, 

if you arrive in front of me

with the choice of exclusively courting me

I’ll be ready, 

lively, 

humbly, 

shining,

with balance inside of me,

radiating to you for harmony,

and your light will provide the things

that I prayed for in my daydreams

orchestrating these ideas into a new reality 

that has no vacuum, 

yet protection and peace sound

so promising and not so scary 

with the truest dream arising